“You don’t wanna know how often I explained to middle schoolers that having “nudes” of each other on their phones and passing them around constituted child pornography and that they could be charged.”

“Student had brought a puzzle to school, but the pieces didn’t match. Turned out it was a single piece from all the puzzles WE kept at school, making every single one of them unsolvable.”

“Had to take about a dozen condoms from a 3rd grader once. He was getting them from the older kids after school and playing with them. He had no idea how to use them, but he sure liked blowing them up like balloons.”

“Human finger She insisted she’d found it by the ravine and just thought it was cool so kept it until she’d decided what to do with it. But… that means she’d either found a lone finger, or she was leaving out a part of this story.”

“One of my favorite stories. Ahhhh. So a girl was getting searched for drugs. I was the witness. My male VP was going through her purse taking things out. She had a dildo. Except at first he didn’t realize. He’s holding it, opening the back of it and looking into the battery compartment, when suddenly he realizes what he is holding. Wish I had a camera.”

“Back in high school this girl brought a needle to school and was walking around the halls poking people with it. It was confiscated, obviously, they were able to determine that it had not been used by her to inject herself, or anyone else, with anything. They did have to go around and find everyone that had been poked though to make sure no one had any diseases.”

“A drawing of me, laying on my back on the floor, with knives sticking out of my chest / stomach. Him standing over me with a couple classmates with smiles on their faces. Very clearly my classroom. That, paired with the “Kill Mrs. ___ Club” oath he’d written about killing me and “having no mercy. Fun times.”

“One of my students turned in an assignment on a flash drive with a bunch of BDSM porn on it. No, it wasn’t intentional.”

“A cat. One of my students bought his cat to school zipped up in his sports bag. Poor little thing.”

“I remember when I was in middle school, a fellow 8th graders dad was a tattoo artist. Somehow this kid had managed to bring his dads tattoo equipment to school and it was confiscated when he tried to tattoo another kid whilst his friends held this kid down. Petty sure it was going to be a forced tattoo but a teacher was walking by and heard the screams and stopped it.”

“When I was in high school one of the percussionists in the lowest level band class was suspended for a couple days after a dead squirrel was confiscated from his book bag. He evidently was planning on putting it in the band teacher’s desk. My band teacher thought it was funny but was otherwise generally unfazed by the news.”

“My mom was a teacher and she had to take a lighter away from a student after he lit his test on fire.”

“A student came running to me during a break once, and wanted to drag me to a class to show me something. I went along and once there, he directed me to a student’s desk. There was an open notebook lying on the desk, detailing my full name, birth date, address, license plate, and other insane stuff. We immediately took her to the office after she returned, police was called, they confiscated her phone. She had a entire album titled “teachers” or “professors” (don’t remember), and quite literally every single teacher she had had was in there. I was in 4 pictures, some of which she took secretly in class. The others were old ass pics from my old Facebook. I was a bit creeped out to be honest.”

“I was with a VP as we searched a girls bag and we found a burner phone, $3000 cash, and her black book of clients. She was 18 so not much we could do but man it made shit real when you consider she had a book with about 20 men’s names in it and what they liked.